


What If?

by nathyfaith



Series: Delusion [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-03-02 21:49:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2827235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nathyfaith/pseuds/nathyfaith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grant Ward is used with nightmares, but most of his are dreams that will never unfold.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	What If?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you little_angry_kitten18, for being a doll and proof reading this!  
> Kisses.

Now and then I wonder.

 

What if...

What if I hadn’t listen to my parents?

What if my brother hadn’t clouded my judgement? 

What if I had never accepted Garrett’s offer?

What if I had never told her how much I love her? 

There are so many what if’s. 

Nowadays, I lay awake at night thinking about all the things I did and said. All the things left unsaid.

I miss her. I miss her as if I had lost a lung and can't breathe properly. 

Sometimes I hate myself for it. 

But most of the time I tell myself that even if she cannot ever correspond to my feelings at least I told her how I feel.

What I really hate are the nightmares, though.

You would think that considering my past, nightmares are pretty common.

They are...

Except this nightmares are not the bad kind, I simply can’t call them dreams.  

How could I when she is plaguing my mind in all of them? 

When I know I will never walk into our living room, pull her by her hands and sway softly as a sappy song plays in our old record player.

Her hands would find my hair as I complain about the long day I had. Because any moment away from her would be too much.

That I’ll never touch her delicate skin in a intimate way. Kiss her slowly, lazily, make love to her all night long, passionately, crazy, desperately.

I won’t have her in my arms half asleep as I play with her hair, finally asking her if it's time for us to start a family.

I won’t freak out of my mind when she tells me we are going to be parents. And for the last nine months will act like a complete mother hen around her.

I won’t wake up in the middle of the night by her gentle hands and voice asking me something absurd, because our child has a craving, _our child_ , there’s nothing more beautiful than those two words. 

She won’t hold my hand and tell me I’m an ass and she hates me for making her go through child birth. 

I won’t kiss her forehead after kissing our baby's hairless head and be even more enamored by the sight that are the woman I love and this little miracle we created together.

There are times I wake up with tears rolling down my cheeks and I let myself cry, that pain inside my chest almost suffocating me.

There was a time you were so close, yet so far away. Now you’re too far and I can’t get a glimpse of you. And your face haunts me.

I wish I could call you and listen to your voice.

I wish I could hug you and never let you go.

I wished this illusions were true.

God, I wish I could hold you and our child in my arms.

I wish you could complete me as you once had.

Without knowing, you captured my heart and soul the moment you asked, ‘ _what's up?_ ’...

And if I have one regret is that I didn’t chose you over my mission.

I should have done what I told you...

All I really wanted was to stay with you and imagine the world outside didn’t exist.

Because I still love you, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop...


End file.
